Mike
2003-07-04 21:11:54 UTC
On Fri, 20 Jun 2003 19:23:01 +1000, "John Dwyer"
A man realized he needed to purchase a
hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to
spend much money. "How much do they run?"
he asked the clerk.
"That depends," said the salesman. "They
run from $2.00 to $2,000."
"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.
The clerk put the device around the man's
neck. "You just stick this button in your
ear and run this little string down to your
pocket," he instructed.
"How does it work?" the customer asked.
"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman
replied. "But when people see it on you,
they'll talk louder!"
========================================
Fred and Edith were living in the Old Folks Home. One day, Fred says
to Edith: "Hey, Edith! You wanna go for a boat ride?" Edith
says,"Sure!"
So...there they were paddling along...and they come to a fork in the
river. Fred says, pointing to the left and then to the right,
"Edith...up or down?" Edith says, " What??" Fred, again, pointing
to the left and then to the right, says "Up...or down?"
Well, Edith starts RIPPING her clothes off, then rips the clothes
right off of Fred's back and starts screwing the hell out of him!
When they're finished, Fred rows back to the Old Folks Home
*extremely* happy.
The next week, Fred says "Edith (wink, wink) wanna go for a boat ride?
(wink, wink)" Edith says, "Why, sure!" So...there they go, Fred
paddling like a madman, trying to reach the fork in the river.
They reach the fork and Fred turns anxiously to Edith and says,
"Edith! up or down!?" Edith looks at the fork in the river and says,
"Oh.... up, I guess."
Fred looks at her confused and repeats: "Edith....UP or DOWN?"
Edith, again looks at the fork and repeats: "UP". Fred, looking
quite confused says "Edith...what is with you? Last week I said 'up
or down' and you tore your clothes off and screwed me like a
madwoman!"
Edith, shocked says: "Is THAT what you said?
UP or DOWN? Omigosh...my hearing aid was in the shop getting fixed
last week....I thought you said 'Fuck or Drown'!"
======================================================
John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.
Mary: Are you wearing it now?
John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top of
the line.
Mary: What kind is it?
John: Twelve-thirty.
======================================================
"The Hearing Aid"
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious
hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able
to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids
that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month
to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't
told my family yet. I just sit around and listen
to the conversations. I've changed my will
three times!"
=========================================
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid
before I can ask where I left my glasses.
==========================================
A couple accused each other of being deaf. One day as the husband came
into the end of their 30 foot living room, he saw his wife standing
with her back to him reading the newspaper.
Thought he: "I'll check her out!" So he said, "Darling, can you hear
me?" - no response. He went halfway across the room and repeated the
question, still no response; so he went right up behind her and again
said, "Darling, can you hear me?"
At this point his wife turned to face him and said, 'For the third
time, "Yes"
I am looking for jokes on hearing and deafness. They are required for a
medical conference on hearing. Can anyone help?
Hearing Aidmedical conference on hearing. Can anyone help?
A man realized he needed to purchase a
hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to
spend much money. "How much do they run?"
he asked the clerk.
"That depends," said the salesman. "They
run from $2.00 to $2,000."
"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.
The clerk put the device around the man's
neck. "You just stick this button in your
ear and run this little string down to your
pocket," he instructed.
"How does it work?" the customer asked.
"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman
replied. "But when people see it on you,
they'll talk louder!"
========================================
Fred and Edith were living in the Old Folks Home. One day, Fred says
to Edith: "Hey, Edith! You wanna go for a boat ride?" Edith
says,"Sure!"
So...there they were paddling along...and they come to a fork in the
river. Fred says, pointing to the left and then to the right,
"Edith...up or down?" Edith says, " What??" Fred, again, pointing
to the left and then to the right, says "Up...or down?"
Well, Edith starts RIPPING her clothes off, then rips the clothes
right off of Fred's back and starts screwing the hell out of him!
When they're finished, Fred rows back to the Old Folks Home
*extremely* happy.
The next week, Fred says "Edith (wink, wink) wanna go for a boat ride?
(wink, wink)" Edith says, "Why, sure!" So...there they go, Fred
paddling like a madman, trying to reach the fork in the river.
They reach the fork and Fred turns anxiously to Edith and says,
"Edith! up or down!?" Edith looks at the fork in the river and says,
"Oh.... up, I guess."
Fred looks at her confused and repeats: "Edith....UP or DOWN?"
Edith, again looks at the fork and repeats: "UP". Fred, looking
quite confused says "Edith...what is with you? Last week I said 'up
or down' and you tore your clothes off and screwed me like a
madwoman!"
Edith, shocked says: "Is THAT what you said?
UP or DOWN? Omigosh...my hearing aid was in the shop getting fixed
last week....I thought you said 'Fuck or Drown'!"
======================================================
John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.
Mary: Are you wearing it now?
John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top of
the line.
Mary: What kind is it?
John: Twelve-thirty.
======================================================
"The Hearing Aid"
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious
hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able
to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids
that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month
to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't
told my family yet. I just sit around and listen
to the conversations. I've changed my will
three times!"
=========================================
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid
before I can ask where I left my glasses.
==========================================
A couple accused each other of being deaf. One day as the husband came
into the end of their 30 foot living room, he saw his wife standing
with her back to him reading the newspaper.
Thought he: "I'll check her out!" So he said, "Darling, can you hear
me?" - no response. He went halfway across the room and repeated the
question, still no response; so he went right up behind her and again
said, "Darling, can you hear me?"
At this point his wife turned to face him and said, 'For the third
time, "Yes"