"There's a bear on my roof."

[Raymond]

Subject: bear on the roof

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in
the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30
minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a
baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go
up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the
bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.
The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the
back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

[t***@The.Sheep.Again.com]

For as long as beobab trees grow in Arbroath it will be remembered

Post by Raymond
Subject: bear on the roof

followed by ancient prose joke.

I heard from a wise man, Peruvian,
The place for such pig shit effluvian,
Is not alt.lims
And to send arseholes, dim,
To alt.humor.antediluvian.

Look it up son, while you're looking up limerick... and you won't find
either up your fundament.

Perverse verses, putrid poetry, diabolical doggerel...
http://www.btinternet.com/~tiddyogg

[Raymond]

A young man was sent to prison where he was quartered with an old time
prisoner.
On the first day in the chowhall, where no speaking was permitted,
someone shouted out the number 10 and the hall erupted with great
laughter . Later, during the meal, someone shouted out the number 36
and again the hall broke out in laughter.

When the prisoners returned to their cells, the younger man asked his
cellmate, "What was that number business all about?" The old timer
commented that there was a joke book in the prison library and each
joke was numbered . "Since we can't speak during the meal, we have all
memorized the jokes and their numbers. So, when someone wants to tell a
joke he simply calls out the number rather than try to tell the entire
joke. We think of the joke when we hear the number and if it's funny we
laugh.

The young man finally memorized all the jokes in the book and their
numbers. And, one day he decided to tell a joke. He yelled out the
number 21 and nothing happened . He tried later with the number 75.
Again nothing happened.

When they got back to the cell, junior said to his new friend, "Damnit,
I told the best two jokes in the book and no one laughed. Why?"
The older man said, "That's the way it is kid; some guys can tell em
and some guys just can't."

Hmmmn!

[David Miller]

Raymond, your old jokes amuse none,
You're quite lucky I don't have a gun;
From your stale aroma
You've been in a coma,
Since at least nineteen hundred and one.

David Miller
................................................................................................

Post by Raymond
A young man was sent to prison where he was quartered with an old time
prisoner.
On the first day in the chowhall, where no speaking was permitted,
someone shouted out the number 10 and the hall erupted with great
laughter . Later, during the meal, someone shouted out the number 36
and again the hall broke out in laughter.
When the prisoners returned to their cells, the younger man asked his
cellmate, "What was that number business all about?" The old timer
commented that there was a joke book in the prison library and each
joke was numbered . "Since we can't speak during the meal, we have all
memorized the jokes and their numbers. So, when someone wants to tell a
joke he simply calls out the number rather than try to tell the entire
joke. We think of the joke when we hear the number and if it's funny we
laugh.
The young man finally memorized all the jokes in the book and their
numbers. And, one day he decided to tell a joke. He yelled out the
number 21 and nothing happened . He tried later with the number 75.
Again nothing happened.
When they got back to the cell, junior said to his new friend, "Damnit,
I told the best two jokes in the book and no one laughed. Why?"
The older man said, "That's the way it is kid; some guys can tell em
and some guys just can't."
Hmmmn!

[Raymond]

"Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing;
'Twas mine,'tis his, and has been slave to thousands
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed."
(Othello, III.iii.)

"You're quite lucky I don't have a gun" says David Miller.

David:
I have a Ruger-Security Six Revolver for sale - and I'll throw in a
free box of shells and even a free holster.
Interested?
Every nut should own at least one killing weapon for old joke
tellers.

Did ya hear the one about the....?

Raymond

[Jeff Wisnia]

Post by Raymond
"Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing;
'Twas mine,'tis his, and has been slave to thousands
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed."
(Othello, III.iii.)
"You're quite lucky I don't have a gun" says David Miller.
I have a Ruger-Security Six Revolver for sale - and I'll throw in a
free box of shells and even a free holster.
Interested?
Every nut should own at least one killing weapon for old joke
tellers.
Did ya hear the one about the....?
Raymond

From observing poor Raymond's weak act,
There's one thing I'm sure is a fact,
I made it my mission,
To learn his condition,
It's reversed alimentary tract.


Jeff

[David Miller]

Post by Jeff Wisnia

Post by Raymond
"Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing;
'Twas mine,'tis his, and has been slave to thousands
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed."
(Othello, III.iii.)
"You're quite lucky I don't have a gun" says David Miller.
I have a Ruger-Security Six Revolver for sale - and I'll throw in a
free box of shells and even a free holster.
Interested?
Every nut should own at least one killing weapon for old joke
tellers. Did ya hear the one about the....? Raymond

..................................................................................................

Post by Jeff Wisnia
From observing poor Raymond's weak act,
There's one thing I'm sure is a fact,
I made it my mission,
To learn his condition,
It's reversed alimentary tract.
Jeffry Wisnia (W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE) "As long as there are final
exams, there will be prayer in public > schools"

...............................................................................................

Hope this ends sweet Raymond's career,
(Suckling fools and chronicling small beer) Othello Act 2 Sc 1
And he's so full of it
He'll be choking on shit,
First victim of oral diarrhea.

David Miller
"I dote on his very absence." The Merchant of Venice Act i
sc 2.